Screaming

I wish I were brave enough to scream.

To fill my lungs with air,

To release one torrent of suffering, torment, longing,

To stand on the blinding white driveway,

And howl at the black void of space,

At the sparkling, winking stars.

Screaming is transparent.

Screaming is bold.

Screaming is simple.

In one motion screaming reveals you to the world,

It says:

“Look! 

This is my pain!”

It captures the attention of the universe.

Surely my reverberating cries will reach God.

He will hear my hidden plea.

Maybe he will reach down and fix life —

Fix me.

Maybe something will scream back.

Maybe the ground will open up and swallow me.

Maybe the dark tendrils of the night sky will reach out,

And lift me into the darkness.

But I am too scared to scream.

Because what if I scream at the night sky,

And nothing happens.

No eyes suddenly notice me.

No God suddenly answers me.

No lightning comes to strike me.

Because after all,

It’s nighttime,

And everyone is asleep.