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Expert Advice: Top 5 Line-Cutting Techniques

Zach Mainzer

DISCLAIMER: The opinions of this article are the author’s and not reflective of AJA or the Palette. Practice patience while in line, and enjoy the company of your companions.

Being at the back of the line stinks. Chances are you have places to be and meetings to attend, and lollygagging around the back of the line delays your schedule. Everybody wishes that they could bypass the whole line and skip to the front. After an incredibly educational summer on NCSY Kollel — where we learned from New Yorkers and Israelis, two of the pushiest populations on the planet — we are proud to announce that we have learned some of the best techniques to effectively cut lines, particularly those for food, without other members of the line batting an eyelash (mostly because of how severely you have just played them). Without further ado, here are the top 5 line-cutting techniques that we have experienced over the summer.

5. Just Cutting the Line

The key here is not only in cutting the line because people can easily call you out on it. A true line cutter cuts the line and then responds to criticism as if he is completely in the right and that any challenger is just being a tattle-tale. This also works much better if you have cut in to talk to a friend on the food line because then your friend can back you up too. 

4. The Mishmar Mosh

No line is more crowded than the Thursday night cholent line at mishmar. Hundreds of hungry bochurim exit the Beit Midrash to the expertly controlled cholent line. But if you are the 300th person at the cholent line, the cholent pots might be empty by the time you reach the front. That is why you and 50 of your nearest and dearest friends can form the “mishmar mosh.” Instead of waiting in line, you proceed to make rows upon rows behind the official line. Once enough people have joined these rows, the cholent line now looks like a mosh and all social constructs dictated by a formal line are abandoned. The next bowl of cholent just goes to the person in the best position to get it. The key to beating the mishmar mosh is quickly moving into spaces vacated by satisfied customers who have already received their cholent. This will definitely take some pushing and shoving — that is always a risky play — but it is definitely worth it when you get your cholent before your friend who has been waiting in line for 20 minutes. 

3. “Forge Your Own Path”

The average person sees the line unidirectionally; you enter the line behind the last person who also intends to move in the same direction as you. But this is just typical understanding, right? If you show signs of a real genius, you analyze the line multi-directionally. In other words, this line moves in two directions, but everybody is just choosing to move in the same direction, causing a massive backup. Here’s an easy fix: simply enter the line at the opposite end, where the lowly common folk who waited on the line like normal people ultimately depart from the line. Here, a genius like you can get all the food just like people moving in the other direction, but you don’t have to wait in line. In the words of Robert Frost, you are “taking the road less traveled,” and also getting food before everybody else. 

2. “Just Getting a Plate”

This method takes some unique skills and a keen understanding of people’s generosity. Picture the following scenario: you have food, but forgot to get a fork. The food line is ridiculously long. Typically, a friendly individual by the fork side of the line will let you grab a fork and step out of line. This fellow is willing to give you his place in line for just a second. But if he will for a second, why not ten minutes? Who’s to say that forgetting a fork is any different than forgetting a fork, a plate, and all of the accompanying food? So if you give the impression that you are just getting a plate, the generous, kind-hearted individual next to the plates will gladly let you grab a plate. But before you completely pick up the plate, you have to move yourself into the line too. Sure, the person behind you may not be your best friend afterward, but you just maneuvered yourself to the front of the line. 

1. The Merge Line

 This daring maneuver takes a little bit of knowledge, a couple of friends, and a whole lot of chutzpah. In essence, a group of buddies finds a random place in the line, typically towards the front of the line, and just begins to line up at a 60-degree angle with the original line. The new line becomes a “merge line” meaning that one out of every two people onto the main line originates from the merge line. This technique is perfect for extremely long lines (like the one you might find at an Israeli airport check-in counter) and can drastically reduce wait times as long as you are willing to assert your place in front of the bums who decided to wait in the original line. 

With our new experience and wisdom, we hope that the idea of waiting on long lines can disappear for the advanced elite who have learned the trade of line cutting. With this knowledge in hand, getting food, signing documents, and sending packages can occur without wasting any time waiting. Happy cutting!

Matthew Minsk contributed to this article, both in being the victim of the aforementioned techniques and many others and also in formulating the ideas contained in this article. (Matthew also created the incredibly complex and sophisticated graphics one can marvel at above.)

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